The Greatest Wrestling Blog Ever

(Note: I’ve decided that I’m taking a hiatus from both TNA and Smackdown this week. Sorry if this disappoints anybody, but I want to get this project off the ground AND I’m kind of just wanting a bit of a break)
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No dark match on this night… Just the main attraction.

Gorilla Monsoon (playing the face) and Jesse Ventura (playing the heel) are on the announce.

The show opens with Vince McMahon running down the card. You know, “WELCOME TO WRESTLEMANIA!!! LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!” that deal. An instrumental of “Shout” by Tears for Fears plays in the background. Don’t forget, that’s Mania I’s theme song… Not “Easy Lover” because, though I love me a little Phil Collins, that song should of never been a wrestling event theme song. Watch me pick something even worse in a future event.

We’ll be keeping the celebrities in attendance in their original roles, if you were wondering.

Ricky Steamboat D Tito Santana

This match is just all about workrate. Tito was a pretty good worker, and Ricky is, of course, one of the all time greats. We’ll have Ricky go over here with his signature Flying Crossbody. After the match, the two hug and shake hands. Hopefully, this one gets the crowd pumped up.

Junkyard Dog and Special Delivery Jones vs Buddy Rose and Matt Borne (draw)

These two go at it for a little bit, with JYD hitting all his signature moves (the headbutts man, gotta have the headbutts) on Buddy Rose. At one point, it looks like SD Jones is going to get the win on Matt Borne, after hitting a…a… piledriver, I guess?

Either way he doesn’t. King Kong Bundy comes barreling in.

King Kong Bundy is who he is in the real world at this point. Pale looking rotund grappler in that black singlet. I should of mentioned this in the build up, but Jimmy Hart was voicing his discontent with Bundy being left off the Mania card, so King Kong Bundy has decided to crash this match.

He wipes out SD Jones, Buddy Rose, and Matt Borne with his Body Avalanche. JYD, on the other, decides to put up a little bit of a fight. After hitting the Body Avalanche on JYD, JYD actually tries to rise to his feet, but only gets on all fours as King Kong Bundy crashes down on him with a splash.

Afterwards, “Mean” Gene does a quick interview with Jimmy Hart, who is just giddy about what King Kong has just done. Jimmy says that King Kong Bundy is the biggest ape in the jungle here in the WWF.

David Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake… Doesn’t take place

I doubt this saddens anyone.

While David comes down to the ring, Brutus comes out of the back and attacks him from behind with a steel chair. David falls to the ground, and Brutus continues to tenderize his back with the chair. Bruno comes running down and chases Brutus off before checking on his son.

It will be revealed in WWF Magazine that David was told he will never wrestle again. Also, it will be shown on the VHS release of Mania I that Brutus attacked Jimmy Valiant in the back, thus breaking away from him. The announcer will only comment on this in a later match… Say, during the women’s match, Gorilla gets word from the back about it.

Jimmy Snuka D Bob Orton

After two BS things, we need to get the crowd going. We just let these two have a fun little brawl. Jimmy was always more of a brawler with a few high flying moves, and we let him do those here. Bob uses the cast at one point, but Jimmy no sells. JIMMY NO SELLS THE CAST! Jimmy then loses his mind and pummels Bob with the chops. This allows Jimmy to take Bob down and hit the Superfly for the win. The announcers talk about how Roddy is definitely not going to be happy about this, and Jesse talks about how Bob “just couldn’t cut the mustard tonight.”

Before the next match, Andre is interviewed by Lord Alfred. Alfred asks Andre about his match, and the interview goes straight, until Andre is asked about the main event match tonight, and it looks like Andre might end up losing it (it’s all in the face though…), but then Andre just wishes the Hulkster good luck tonight.

Andre the Giant D Big John Studd (W/ Bobby Heenan)

Andre is able to obliterate the big man. Sure, John gets some blows in, but Andre is just too much for Big John Studd to handle. If Andre’s back can handle it, I’d love it if he could gorilla press Big John Studd for the finish… but if not his old Double Underhook would suffice.

Heenan waits until Andre gets all the way out of the ring before checking on his client. Though he won, Andre doesn’t seem too happy about the win. It’s almost as if something is missing. Wonder what?

WWF WOMEN’S TITLE: Leilani Kai and Fabulous Moolah D Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper

Richter does most of the work for the face team here, getting dominated for the most part. I would like it to seem like she is protecting Cyndi, with Cyndi clearly wanting to get in there, seeing that Richter is in trouble, but Richter continues to try anyway. Kai and Moolah do an old school heel tag thing here, keeping Richter in the corner and dominating her. Finally, it becomes too much, and after an opening comes, Wendi tags in Cyndi.

Cyndi, surprisingly, does OK (well, the announcers play it up like that anyway. I’d be shocked if she can do more then an Arm Drag) and takes it to Moolah, who is clearly looking like she is pass her prime here. Moolah tags in Leilani, who takes it to Cyndi. Cyndi gets rocked by a big boot from Leilani, who backs up to pose before pinning.

Only for Moolah to make the blind tag…

Leilani doesn’t know what happened until it is too late, and Moolah wins the Women’s title for the 3rd time (I think…)

Leilani jaws with Moolah, but Moolah smacks Leilani with the belt. Richter actually comes to her former enemy’s aid, only to get the same treatment. Moolah celebrates, while Cyndi gets checked on by paramedics.

TAG TEAM TITLES: The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff (W/ Freddie Blassie) D The US Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (W/ Lou Albano)

Like most of this one, everything stays the same.

The difference is the aftermath. At the first SNME after Mania, The US Express say that they failed America and as such just can’t continue to entertain the people. As a result, they leave the promotion.

INTC TITLE: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (W/ Jimmy Hart) D Bruno Sammartino

I want Bruno to look good here, and I think The Hammer would be able to do that, seeing how he was able to make Ed Leslie matches watchable. We’ll let Bruno survive both the Hammer Elbow and the Figure Four Leglock and then have Bruno lock on the bearhug on Greg. As Greg is starting to black out, Jimmy hops up on the apron to distract the ref. Brutus comes in with that dang chair and levels smacks Bruno on the top of the head with it. Bruno goes down, and Greg nails another Hammer Elbow to get the 1-2-3. Bruno, Jimmy, and Brutus all celebrate the tainted victory.

From this point on, Brutus Beefcake is now Brutal Brutus. It has a small ring to it, don’t you think?

WWF TITLE: Roddy Piper (W/ Paul Orndorff) D Hulk Hogan (W/ Mr. T)

A heel sweep in the Mania I title matches. For story advancement with what I’ve been given, it was a necessity.

Of course, Hulk won’t lose clean. Basically, a brawl between Orndorff and T distracts the ref. Hogan prepares to get out of the ring to help T, but Roddy pulls out brass knucks out of his tights and levels the Hulkster. He then pins Hulk, even grabbing Hulk’s trunks for leverage, for the 1-2-3.

In order to have a happy ending, we’ll see Piper jawing with Muhammad Ali when Ali comes in to give Piper the belt. Piper slips the knucks out again and swings, but Ali ducks underneath the punch and levels Piper! Hopefully, the crowd goes crazy for this.

And that is Mania I… Comments, thoughts, and death threats are welcome.

(Note: I’ve decided to change my format a little bit; I’m doing the build here and then the event next week, or maybe Saturday if my mood allows it.

Since I don’t have a whole lot of programming (I’m assuming I took control at the top of 85) a lot of this stuff is occurring at the house shows. We do, a little early, use WWF Magazine to keep the fans up to date.

Also, Vince McMahon decides that he must have a song every year that people will associate with whatever huge event is coming up. Mania I’s theme is “Shout” by Tears for Fears.

WWF TITLE: Hulk Hogan (W/ Mr. T) vs Roddy Piper (W/ Paul Orndorff)

Alright, so for this match up, the build up stays largely the same up until the SNL spot. What I’m picturing here is that, say, Piper plays someone in the background during one of the skits, keeping his face away from the camera. While Hogan and T are doing whatever the skit calls for, Piper ambushes T while Orndorff comes out of the audience to join in on the assault. Though Hogan does take down Paul Orndorff, Piper is able to give Mr. T a bulldog on the stage. This, of course, results in a concussion for Mr. T, allowing me to make this match a one on one for the strap.

Basically, everyone is like they were in real life at this point…

INTC TITLE: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (W/ Jimmy Hart) vs Bruno Sammartino

…Yeah…

There is a reason for this being on the card, but for now, we’ll just build up the match.

So, one night at a house show Greg has a match with David Sammartino (Bruno’s son) but refuses to come out there. This infuriates Bruno, who demands an explanation. Greg comes out and basically says, “You’re son can’t even lace up my boots. He sucks. I would much rather take you on!” Bruno, initially, refuses until War to Settle the Score. Basically, we’ll have David get an Intc. title shot (Yeah… I know…) and Greg will simply beat the ever living tar out of him. I want David to bleed there, not too much, but however much 1985 MTV will allow, while being locked into the Figure 4. Bruno charges out there and makes the save, telling Greg that he has his match. This will coincide with David’s match, but we haven’t got there yet.

TAG TEAM TITLES: The US Express (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham) (W/ Lou Albano) vs The Iron Shiek and Nikolai Volkoff (W/ Freddie Blassie)

The build up for this one stays the same as it did in the real world…

WWF WOMEN’S TITLE: Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper vs Leilani Kai and Fabulous Moolah

Basically, the idea here is that Moolah is jealous. She’s the longest reigning Women’s champ of all time, and yet this Pop Act, this flash in the pan Cyndi Lauper, is getting all the attention.

So, at War to Settle the Score, we have a preview match, between Leilani Kai and Wendi Richter, non-title of course, with a 5 minute time limit. Moolah actually goes after Cyndi on the outside… AND CYNDI TRIPS MOOLAH INTO THE STEEL STEPS! Needless to say, Moolah is ticked.

Whoever is the authority figure for WWF at this time (Did they have one? Was it Jack Tunney? I know I should know this… but I sadly don’t.) changes the original one on one Richter-Kai match into this, with the winner getting the one who gets the pin getting the Women’s Title.

Cyndi, is of course terrified, but Wendi is going to get her into in ring shape.

Leilani is suspicious of Moolah, but Moolah assures her she won’t get the pin. She’s just there to teach that darn Cyndi Lauper some respect.

And that is our title matches.

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (W/ Bobby Heenan)

I’m changing this match a little bit. Basically, it is just a basic wrestling match. The build up is still largely the same, but without the body slam stuff and one major difference…

Basically, Andre is not very happy at being overshadowed by the Hulkster. Say, at War to Settle the Score, the main event is actually Andre vs Piper, but then Bob Orton and Paul Orndorff attack Andre. Though Andre, obviously, handles them Hogan comes out to help and takes them all out. It appears that Andre thinks this is just Hulk being a glory hog. They make amends, but seeds are being planted for a PPV I think you all already know about…

Jimmy Snuka vs Bob Orton

An offshoot of the Hogan/Piper feud, instead of managing these two go one on one.

Basically, Piper tells Orton to take out that pesky little fly once and for all.

At one point, at War to Settle the Score, Orton will try and reenact the coconut bashing, but instead Snuka will avoid it and beat Orton down with his chops. Piper tells Orton that this match at Mania had better be it for Superfly… Or else…

David Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake (W/ Jimmy Valiant)

Basically, David’s deal is that he is a good kid, no doubt, but he just isn’t his father. The fans know it, his father knows it, and the other wrestlers know it. Mania is his chance to prove himself, so he begs and pleads with anyone, ANYONE, to face him at Mania.

So, Jimmy Valient goes to the powers that be and signs onto the dotted line, putting his client Brutus in the match.

Brutus, however, is furious at this. “WHY DO I HAVE TO WRESTLE THE BRAT! I’M BRUTUS FREAKING BEEFCAKE!!!! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TOo!!!” Basically, my Beefcake’s thing is that he’s a bit of a prima donna. He thinks he is bigger then he really is. He’s been working this gimmick since his debut in my universe’s WWF. I know it’s hard to get attached to it, but that won’t matter, because a change is coming soon.

Junkyard Dog and Special Delivery Jones vs “Playboy” Buddy Rose and Matt Borne

This match is going to be the one that takes the most explaining…

Basically, Special Delivery Jones is like who he is in real life… Only a paper boy… Because I like that. Anyway, he loses to everyone he ever faces. He comes out there, throws newspapers to the crowd (Actually, since the magazines are a monthly publications, we’ll say that the Newspapers he throws out actually are weekly updates on the ongoings of the WWF) and then gets killed.

One house show, JYD faces the paper boy, SD Jones, and actually feels sorry for him. JYD attempts to lay down for him, but SD won’t pin him. He wants to earn the win, not have it handed to him. JYD, liking this, decides to help him get his first win.

“Playboy” Buddy Rose,not doing his Executioner gimmick, but rather his old gimmick claiming he weighs in at a “Lean, Mean, 217″ basically laughs at this idea, saying that anyone could beat him. He also says that JYD is both a loser and kind of a freak, acting like a real mutt all the time. JYD says that if he is so confident, why doesn’t he go out and find himself a partner and him and SD Jones will kick Buddy and his partner’s arses at Mania.

“Playboy” goes out and finds generic jobber Matt Borne. Basically, Borne is just a guy. That’s his thing. He doesn’t have a gimmick, he’s just that guy. We’ll call him “Normal” Matt Borne, and he’ll play the straight man in this feud largely used for comedy. He, much like SD, has lost most of his matches in the WWF. “Playboy” not only begins trying to train Borne, but convinces him to use his diet supplement, which I’m calling “Rose Blow” (basically, it’s powder that makes the weight blow off you…) and, though Borne doesn’t like it, Borne does it hoping to get his first win.

Tito Santana vs Ricky Steamboat

Basically, this is a face on face workrate match. They just want to see who is the better wrestler. No real bad blood or anything, just a match to see who is the better man.

That is Wrestlemania I… I can already tell that my WWF universe is going to be very… unique to say the least. XD

(note: Not doing clean up for this quick post…)

So… I’ve been reading this counterfactual…

http://www.whatifwrestling.blogspot.com/

The basis of which is if Hulk Hogan would of lost to Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. The man who runs it (Jim… Something… XD) is a very talented writer and I love the fact that he is doing a full blown what if. I also like how he uses a 4 PPV format and has a drastically different WWF (The name change never happens) and as a result it is a great read.

So, I want to try my hand at this counterfactual stuff. Starting next week, I will begin a weekly series where I talk about how I would of booked WWF from WM I to now. I think that mine won’t be as good as his, but hey, a guy can try right?

However, there are a few things that I’m changing up… So, using his format as a template (Hey, he threw it out on the internet… which means anyone can use it… Right? Right… I think) I’m going to run down how this whole thing will work…

1) I will have as many as 5 main PPVs, but that will only be for a period of time. Of course I’ll have Mania. I’ll have the Royal Rumble. I’ll have SummerSlam. I’ll have Survivor Series. Finally, for as long as it is a PPV, I’ll have King of the Ring. I’ve always enjoyed King of the Ring, and I hate that WWE no longer annually does it, so I just have to do it. I’ll explain how the structure of that tournament and PPV will work when we get there.

2) I’m limited by what WWE gives me to work with. Basically, I can’t go out and hire Jushin Thunder Liger, though I should, I won’t. Also, I can only use the people who actually worked the PPV that I’m building up to on the main card, unless they worked any sort of pre-show (I.E. dark match, Sunday Night Heat, the current WWE pre-shows) so… yeah.

3) I have to do something with everyone who worked these PPVs. That means that the card format in terms of number of matches, the match types, and a few other things may change from card to card. I will, however, have a minimum of 8 matches and a maximum of 11. No more then 11, no less then 8. If, for whatever reason, I have to break that rule, it will be a big deal.

4) The Royal Rumble is at the Royal Rumble. That’s how it should be. Jim should just name the Royal Rumble “Justice Sunday” already.

5) Assume that WCW/NWA and ECW were the same. No disrespect to either of those brands, but I simply do not know enough about those two promotions to do a full force counterfactual on those two promotions. I will AT LEAST, book the key cards that they have in order to keep a certain amount of context.

6) I am of course limited by the amount of programming WWF gives me in terms of build up, so the first few events will be brief. However, I MIGHT use those events for title changes. After all, anything can happen in my WWF.

7) I claim no ownership of any sort of intellectual property or, well, anything someone else owns. No money is being made off this product, and I doubt I’ll gain any level of fame off this project (though, a little traffic would be nice) so no law suits please. ^_^

My first post, the Mania I build up and the event itself, will be up Thursday. Normally, I’d wait till next week, but I want to just go ahead and get this started…

Quick Note: As I explained, I did not watch RAW and participated in a sit out of RAW proposed by Wrestlecrap.com’s Justin Henry. I did promise a report, however, so here is one based on the internet reports I’ve heard, as well as what my friend told me about the show. If you want a more accurate report, I suggest reading Gerweck.net’s…

http://www.gerweck.net/2013/05/20/live-coverage-of-monday-night-raw-3/

Also, since I didn’t actually watch, I will not rate the matches; It would be unfair to rate a match I didn’t see for myself.

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So, RAW opens with Ryback. I’m guessing we are supposed to boo him while he (rightfully) claims that he won the match because he was able to get up and walk away in a Ryback Rules (AKA Last Man Standing) match while John Cena was strechered out. He then proceeds to eat an EMT T-Shirt as the crowd chants “Feed Me More” and the fact that Ryback is challenging John Cena to another Ryback Rules (AKA Ambulance Match) is made clear.

Oh, and then Ryback gets cheap heat somehow… It produces about as much heat as an iceberg on an icy hot patch.

Paul Heyman will be getting a 3rd client tonight. It could be anyone… Zack Ryder? Antonio Cesaro? I’m sure they wouldn’t do something stupid and make it someone who hasn’t been taken seriously for about a year now… That would be stupid.

The Miz and Chris Jericho vs Wade Barrett and Fandango (w/ Summer Rae… Mhmm…)

Wade Barrett now enters to a theme with “God Save the Queen” to open it. I’m assuming he is now King Barrett, and comes out there and claims that he is British royalty.

For the record, “Rule Britannia” is better then “God Save the Queen.”

But, anyway, I was going to come up with some really stupid scenario for this match, but WWE did it for me. Miz locks in the figure 4 leg lock while Fandango dances. No joke. Look it up.

To be fair, sounds like it might of been funny, and Wade was acting really ticked off about it.

Oh, and Y2J tried to bang Summer Rae… Or so I assume.

Vickie comes out there with her tired out “Excuse Me” shtick and demands that fans vote for Randy Orton to face Jack Swagger. Who wants to see R-Truth when they could see Orton.

I know what you are thinking, “I forgot Great Khali.” Believe me, I wish that was the case, but it’s not. If Khali won the poll… I’d have to find some WWE PG fans and beat them up. I’m sure the 1st graders would eventually take me down, but I’d take on 100 of them with bravery. I’d deserve a medal afterwards, of course, but I’d settle for your admiration and devotion.

Team Hell No shows some tension as Daniel Bryan throws things and thinks Kane calls him weak when Kane is talking about finding a weakness in the shield. Kofi keeps them from butting heads though, so that’s good.

Sheamus vs Titus O’ Neal

Punch, punch. Elbow, elbow. Millions of Dollas. Brogue Kick. 1-2-3. If it was anything other then that, I’m shocked.

Heyman’s third guy is the Artist Formerly known as Michael McGillicutty, now known as Curtis Axel (Get it. Curt Hennig was his dad, and Larry “The Ax” Hennig was his dad’s dad. It’s clever!!!! )

So, get this, Heyman says that Curtis has been getting the same treatment as Brock did in 2002. I understand the CM Punk thing, as Curtis as been underused, but Brock was always going to be a main eventer. WWE trying to re-write history and say that Brock was this mis used, mis treated kid in the locker room back in 02 is laughable.

Anyway, HHH comes out there and talks about Kool-Aid before promising to squash beat Curtis here tonight.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo) vs Big E Langston (w/ AJ Lee)

Langston beats down Del Rio. Del Rio comes back. AJ distracts ref. Big E. wins.

AJ distracted the ref using Ricardo’s bucket, so it’s really Ricardo’s fault for bringing that stupid bucket out there to begin with. Why does he carry that bucket around anyway? Is it supposed to be funny? Racist? Funny and racist? Either way, I’m confused.

AJ Lee vs Layla

Squash, AJ wins with a new submission called the Black Widow. Blows Layla a kiss after the match. Sounds hot.

Cody Rhodes vs Zack Ryder

Squash. Cody wins with the Disaster Kick. Ryback beats up Cody for no reason, and throws him into an ambulance. Sounds sad.

Shield cuts a promo about how awesome they are. Believe in the Shield….

The Shield vs Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No

The Shield wins after a really hard fought match. Roman spears Kane for the win. It sounds like it was awesome, so I won’t make any jokes or smart arse remarks about it.

Triple H is going to be wrestling with a damaged whatchamacallit. Hunter is brave though, threatening to fire the doctor for trying to do his job and caring about HHH’s physical health. It’s good to know that this man will take over WWE.

In a continuation of the Kaitlyn secret admirer storyline, Kaitlyn learns that Cody is not the man. I’m guessing it went something like this:

Natayla: OMG OMG OMG!!! SO I WAS TALKING TO KHALI AND HE GOT THE NUMBER OF THE GUY!!!

Kaitlyn: …Khali’s spy act actually worked?

Natayla: Duh! Anyway, here it is.

*Natayla hands the # to Kaitlyn and then Cody walks by texting while Kaitlyn’s phone goes off*

Kaitlyn: GET HIM!!!!

*Natayla grabs Cody as Katilyn grabs his phone. Cody is shocked, wide eyed and caught off guard, his mustache falling off from the surprise.*

Kaitlyn: Ahhh…. It isn’t him. He was posting pics of himself on the internet.

*Cody’s twitter account pops up on the screen.*

Cody: Wait… You thought I was your crush. No. Just no. I look better then you could every hope to look. KHARMA looks better then you for the love of Pete.

*Crowd, hopefully, cheers in approval as Kaitlyn cries.*

…Yup. If it went anyway other then that, it just doesn’t make any sense.

The WWE Universe, being the sheep they all, voted Orton by a landslide. That is assuming, of course, that none of those pesky “bugs” occured. Oh, and Khali got more votes the R-Truth, so I really think that is possible.

Randy Orton vs Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)

I’ll give this match credit and guess it was OK. Orton wins after getting out of the Patriot Lock and hitting the RKO.

Triple H vs Curtis Axel (w/ Paul Heyman)

In order to put over Curtis… Triple H beats the tar out of him until he collapses from the pain of the match. Alrighty then. Show ends on that note by the way.

I won’t give final thoughts… I will, however, guess my prizes for the night.

Match of the night: The 6 man tag.

Shock of the Night: Curtis Axel… Really…

Flop of the Night: HHH vs Curtis. Seriously, they should of had Curtis won or AT LEAST put up a fight. Keep in mind though, I’m just going by what my friend told me there.

Please don’t consider any of those official, as again, I did not watch. I’m just guessing based on what I heard. So, Yeah. That’s all folks.

Though I will provide a report of WWE RAW, I do not plan on watching Monday Night RAW tonight. The reason for this is because I’m getting in on this:

http://www.wrestlecrap.com/eventcenter/wweisboring-the-saga/

Quick note: I did not watch the pre-show.
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So, this show opens with the usual video package, highlighting the Ryback-Cena feud as well as the Lesnar-HHH feud, which I’m sure is what everyone wants to hear about on this card.

Finally we go live with the opening match:

Chris Jericho vs Faaannnndaaaannnngoooooooo

This match was a solid match from a technical standpoint, though it was slower then I expected out of these two, and I can safely say that I felt the same way at Mania too. Still Jericho pulled out all the stops to get the W here, busting out the Walls and the Lionsault, before finally hitting the Codebreaker on Fandango, countering into it when Fandango jumped off the ropes at Jericho.

I doubt this feud is over yet, and I really doubt that Jericho will come out the winner of this feud, but on this night, Jericho is the victor in a solid opening match.

Rating: 2/5 Summer Raes… Mhmmm….

Thankfully, we just go right into the next match instead of getting a video package…

US TITLE MATCH: Kofi Kingston(c) vs Dean Ambrose

The shield came down with Dean, but they went back to the back (or… the lobby of the arena? I’m not really sure where they head too, seeing how they come out of the crowd) and it was for the best, in my opinion. Generally, we all knew that Dean was going to win this one, and he needed a clean win here. They put on a pretty good match, decently fast paced and with plenty of counters and near falls. Ambrose even busted out the Crossface Chickenwing at one point, which was awesome. In the end, Kofi lost despite his best efforts after Dean nailed a DDT for the 123.

Rating: 2.75/5 Walkie Talkies

Now we get the video packages, first an ad for the amazing WWE app that will change your life forever and make your I-Pad, I-Phone, Trac Phone, whatever all the kids are using these days, explode with awesomeness.

Just as a side note… my I-Pad has actually crashed all but one time when I used the app. It is probably because my I-Pad sucks for some reason, but I digress…

We next see the highlights of Sheamus being a sore loser and see an interview where he calls Mark “tubby” yet again…

As another side note… tug-of-war should never be the main point of the build up to an upper midcard feud.

Strap Match: Sheamus vs Mark Henry

The only really positive thing I can say about this match is that WWE had the sense to keep it short and that prevented it from being overly dull. That said, this match was still dull. Shoot, the strap barely came into play, apart from when they both smack each other on the back with it at one point (First Henry, then Sheamus) so what was even the point? Also, the lights were really inconsistent… Anytime Henry stopped for anything, the corner count would restart, but when Mark Henry lifted Sheamus to give him the World’s Strongest Slam (Which he escaped from and nailed a Brouge Kick, which allowed him to get the W) the corner count stayed at 3 for Sheamus.

Final Rating: .75/5 Straps

In the back, Kaitlyn and AJ bicker. Something about AJ not wanting to face Kaitlyn due to legit concern about her boyfriend’s legit concussion. Kaitlyn, being the face of the “Be A Star” campaign to make fun of AJ, and AJ battles back. Kaitlyn then attacks AJ and lays her out, because she is A Star.

Also, WRESTLEMANIA 29: ROCK/CENA 2; YOU KNOW YOU WANT; BUY THE DVD! IT IS ONLY 25.99 (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT) WHICH IS CHEAP COMPARED TO THE AMOUNT YOU SPENT TO WATCH THIS AD!!!!!!

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH; I QUIT MATCH: Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger

Why was this not made a normal submission match btw. I know, I know, same thing, but the build up to an I Quit match is usually much more intense.

Anyway, before the match starts Uncle Zeb cuts a promo about how the St. Louis Cardinals should be called the Caribbean Cardinals and berates illegal “Americans.” Pretty good stuff, I have to say.

This match was pretty much the match these guys have been having for a while. Swagger dominates, Del Rio comes back. There were some weapon spots, but all this match did was make me remember is how much better these matches are whenever the wrestlers themselves are manning the mic (see Rock/Foley) and that these two are just bland.

That said, it was another OK match in a slew of them tonight. The ending was a bit of a mess though. Here is the breakdown:

1) Ricardo has a towel with him, because why not? So, at one point, Zeb goes and grabs the towel and throws it, making the ref think it was Ricardo, and the ref calls the match in favor in Swagger.

2) During the celebration, another ref comes out there and, no joke, they use INSTANT REPLAY to review the match. Wow… Just wow…

3) Match restarts, Del Rio wins with the Glorified Armba-… I mean Cross Armbreaker.

I would honestly give this match a bit more if the original finish had stuck, but as is, it is…

Rating: 2.5/5 Illegal aliens mowing Zeb’s lawn.

Don’t try this at home video. I think they updated it, but I can’t really tell.

Josh Matthews interviews Ryback; Basically, Ryback is honest and tonight it is Ryback Rules… Which apparently is just a Last Man Standing match. Alrighty then.

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH; TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH; Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan vs The Shield (Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins)

Awesome, if short, match. It is probably for the best that it was short, as it kept this match from really dragging. Both teams looked very strong, and the Shield looked all the tougher winning this match. The finish came after Roman got out of the No Lock, they were able to set up for that Backbreaker Rack, Flying Knee combination that finished this one off.

Oh, and the Shield now have gold… Isn’t that what really matters tonight?

Rating: 3/5 Shield T-Shirts

Next up… I can only describe this as a Semi Half-time show. They basically run through the Pre-Show match again, and then the hosts of the Pre-Show (Don’t really remember who, but I know Foley was there.) make some predictions and point out the Post-Show after Extreme Rules.

I like this, to be honest. Gives it a bit of an ESPN feel, but not to the point to being stupid.

EXTREME RULES MATCH: Big Show vs Randy Orton

I’ll just be honest, this match was lame except for one spot where Big Show crashed down into a ladder. It went on a too long and neither guy really benefited from this match. WWE just needs to turn Orton heel already. The only thing that saves this match from being a DUD is the aforementioned ladder spot and Randy Orton using the punt.

Rating: .50/5 Punts to the head.

WWE TITLE LAST MAN STANDING MATCH (RYBACK RULES MATCH): John Cena (c) vs Ryback

This match will be overrated by Michael Cole for years to come…

It was not bad, I’m not saying that, but Cole compared this to a Mick Foley brawl. No… JUST NO! If anyone else, AND I MEAN ANYONE ELSE, agrees with that statement, buy the IYH or the Mick Foley DVD/Blu-Ray. The finish was great, but that was the only part of it that was really great. Going through the Mini-Tron will always equal awesome though. So, to reiterate, this match was good… but nothing to go crazy about.

Also, it was a draw, which was probably the best way for this match to end, as if Cena won it would make Ryback look weak and there was no way Cena was losing.

Rating: 2.5/10 Mini-tron repair technicians.

We see an ad featuring schizophrenic Randy Orton for Payback. OK then…

After a replay of what happened in the Ryback/Cena match, we get the package for the HHH/Lesnar match…

CAGE MATCH: Brock Lesnar vs HHH

I’ll admit, it was a better match then I expected it to be, but that isn’t saying too much. It did offer a creative spot, with the Camouflagued Sledge Hammer… But other then that, this match was what most people thought HHH/Lesnar 3 would be… and with a Lesnar victory, I have a feeling we will end up getting a fourth especially with the finish…

Lesnar wins after a Paul Heyman low blow.

Two things wrong with this…

1) WWE has yet again undermined the whole point of a cage match, which is to keep people out of the cage. Heyman didn’t really have to fight to get in either, the ref at the door just kind of let him go after Heyman pushed him.

2) Lesnar should of won clean. This feud has dragged on too long, and I don’t think anyone wants Lesnar winning like this. Look at the old Lesnar… He didn’t need help winning. He was a butt kicker through and through, and that is what he should be now. Simple as that. I can KIND OF buy into Lesnar needing a little help, seeing how he hurt his knee earlier in the match after a flying knee went awry and he flew into the steel mesh of the cage, but really, it’s just not the Lesnar of old and that is not for the better in my opinion. I’m not a fan of him either way, to be perfectly honest I think he’s overrated (now more then ever), but still I could buy into him better if he was kicking butt and taking names.

Anyway, with that little rant out of the way, all I can really say is that this match is what it is, which to me is a…

Rating: 2.25/5 Destroyed offices.

Final Thoughts:

This show was really just a run of the mill B-List PPV. Though there were some highlights, most of the matches dragged on and weren’t anything to write home about. The Shield getting all the gold, the best moment of the show (with the exception of the Mini-Tron destruction…) was very predictable, which bogged it down a bit.

My final rating, for the show as a whole, is a 2.75/5. Almost average, but a little below.

Match of the Night: The Tag Title match was it for me.

Shock of the Night: The Mini-tron destruction.

Flop of the Night: Noting too offensive, but I’d say the Kaitlyn/AJ segment was pretty unneeded. Would anyone really have cared if the match was dropped for no reason at all?

Yup… I want to fire up this bad boy again…

You see, with my High School graduation coming up, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching and the like and I thought back to this blog and a whole lot of what could of been. The teacher who assigned the assignment that led to the creation of this blog frequently said that he thought this blog could grow into something great, and I did believe him and began trying everything I could do to make it such. Overtime, however, I started to get a bit more impatient and soon had simply given up trying, thinking that readers would never come, comments would never come (all I get is spam… stupid spam bots…) and that this blog was all for nothing. Now I see that the problem wasn’t lack of traffic, it wasn’t the medium I was using (hence why I started to do videos) or even the stuff I was covering or my recaps… Though, my recaps of matches, I will admit, kind of suck (if I had a laptop or recorded RAW, I believe they would be better, but that is beside the point). No… the problem was the idiot running this blog. Man, I’d hate to be that guy…

…Wait…

Basically, I just kept giving up and abandoning this blog, leaving it for dead to pursuit other things and the like, such as the school work I kind of do sometimes, other blogs that never even come close to getting the traffic this one has gotten (not saying much, but still saying something) and also never make me as happy as this blog has, and playing video games.

As such, I decided that I need to do what I must do and should of done all along, and that is write this blog, work on this blog, and make it live up to its namesake.

So no more goofing off and slacking off and running away from it, it is time for me to get serious and make this blog the Greatest Wrestling Blog ever or at least make it get into the top 5. XD

I will say one thing that I will say about the future of this blog… I am largely considering taking it off Edublogs and moving it somewhere else, likely Blogger or WordPress. I have my reasons for this (desire to use Adsense on Blogger for instance) but it’s also from a practical standpoint. The Edublog system are meant for educational blogs and the like, and though I do make my educational post, this blog is mainly intended to entertain or, at least, I think it is. I might change my mind, and if I do decide to I will announce the date for the planned move, but as of now I remain undecided.

Anyway, that is all for now, I hope you come back and give this blog a chance or another chance. If not, I do understand, as I have made these promises before and have always gone back on them… but I do not recall ever taking up 500+ words on one of this post… So who knows?

Sincerely,

Deathedge AKA Jack Rippy

P.S. I’m even going to use a spell and grammer checker… that is how serious I am about this.

I must first say sorry for not going into greater detail with this review; I was planning too but am updating much later then expecting and I’m worried that I’ll get onto the “tired rambling” sort of deal if I attempt to go into a very in depth review.

So, anyway, as long time readers of my blog (Do I have those!?) may know, I am a very big fan of the Wrestlecrap website. Also, this blog was made for an English class, and I was supposed to do a book review. To my credit, I sort of did… but it was suckish, because I never reviewed the whole book. Truth is, it was when my lazy slump was at a near all-time high and I had started to lose my love for reading. I have, thanks to Kite Runner and my Mom letting me buy books with an Amazon Gift Card, that I’ve rekindled my love for it.

That said, I still feel like I need to start doing what I was supposed to honestly do to begin with, so this is a little bit of a self assigned project: I will be reviewing all of the Wrestlecrap books as well as a very specific book chosen to be a little tie in with one of them. I hope to do atleast one every non wrestling day, with the only way I skip it being if something major comes up.

Anyway, the first book that RD Reynolds and Randy Baer (better known as Blade Braxton or the Midnight Rose) released was the aptly titled Wrestlecrap: The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling. I recall RD describing it as being an attempt to go into greater detail then what the site was going into at the time, and I must say, he certainly succeded. He went into very great detail about many of the silly charecters and storylines that have been engraved, for better or worst, into the annals of pro wrestling history. Everything from the endless slew of hillbillies, the “ressurection” of the Undertaker, and the ever popular Doink the Clown are in here.

I will admit, the only real dissapointment is that it doesn’t go into much detail about how a good chunk of the charecters were supposedly a good idea. Why did the bookers honestly think that a guy like, oh say, Oz, was going to get over? In their defence though, alot of the charecters are so horrendous ideas that one must truly gawf at the idea of their being a reason beyond the bookers just having one giant brain fart.

I also feel it is worth mentioning that it’s not just limited to in the ring stuff either. Hulk Hogan’s movies, Ready to Rumble, Hell Comes to Frogtown they are all covered in a good amount of detail as well, so that’s definatly a plus.

The only MAJOR downside I feel the book has is the fact that it’s only WCW and WWF. I know RD has said that nothing in ECW was truly crap, and that when the book came out around 2003 or 2004 TNA was still a young promotion, but why not some AWA stuff. Where is “Rambo” Greg Gagne or that strange Team Challenge series. It’s certainly not a book killer, but is disappointing.

Another thing, but not really bad, but I must say that I really didn’t learn much. Bear in mind though, that I go to that site on a near daily basis, reading and re-reading the inductions that are up, so I knew a good chunk of this stuff coming in. What I guess I’m trying to say is, if you go to the site often it still has all the humor and you will still laugh, but don’t hope to learn anything new.

That said, if you haven’t gone to the site and are a big wrestling fan, or better yet, a newer wrestling fan, then this book is a GREAT read! In fact, I’d demand you get it. Amazon has it fairly cheap… I believe I got mine for about 4 bucks, so I don’t see a reason not to get it really. If you are not a wrestling fan, however, I should say that I do not reccomend this book. You might get a laugh or two out of it, but more then likely it just won’t hit anywhere with you. In fact, it will probably turn you off from wrestling even more, seeing how all this really talks about is some of the dumbest things that occured in it’s history.

Best part of the book: Chapter 4: “Warrior Wisdom” IT covers the career of one of the most psychotic nutjobs to ever grace the squared circles withe a “Power N Paint” gimmick along with tassles. HOWEVER, IT IS WITH THOSE TASSLES THAT HE HAS SLAYED MANY AN OPPONENT! THEY ARE THE ULTIMATE TASSLES AND ALLOW HIM TO GAIN MAXIMUM DESTRUCITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem, sorry.

So, that’s about all I can muster out here. Sorry if it’s alittle disorganized and jumbled, I promise I will do better about that next time, and that the next one will go into greater detail… it pretty much requires it anyway, but I’m getting ahead of myself. I hope to see you guys tommorow for the next review. My Impact recap depends on how I feel after the show by the way, but I’m just going to say now, I doubt I’ll get it up right after the show. But again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

…Well since it’s been an eternity since the last time I posted anything, I figured I should just make a very quick post on the future of this blog.

Well, firstly, I have not been posting any new videos because I have yet to get a webcam and even if I did, I’ve been having some personal issues. ALso, allergy season has came and, as a result, sometimes a sore throat makes me REALLY not want to record anything.

So, I will resume updating regularly (well, as regularly as I can) very soon. I really don’t plan on going on another long hiatus, so I’ll try my best to keep that from happening. I do have a few things to cover to make sure that I don’t run out of things to talk about.

Oh, and my quick thoughts on RAW from last night:

1) When will WWE start calling Sin Cara’s new finisher the Sinton Bomb?

2) I was shocked that Cena was there. I had heard that WWE was going to give refunds to Cena fans, so I really thought he wasn’t going to be there. That said, would anyone have really been sad if he wasn’t there.

3) I kid, I kid, but speaking of Cena… let’s talk about his new gear. Ok, firstly, to all those people who are saying “HAHAHAHA! He’s wearing pink! Cena’s a…” Well, you get the idea. All I have to say to them is grow up. I mean really, grow up. You make WWE’s target demographic look mature in comparision.

No, I have no issue with him wearing pink, esspically because of the cause that it’s for. That said, I DO have an issue with the fact that only Cena has gear dedicated to the cause. I’m sure WWE is probably selling shirts with that WWE logo with that pink thingy next to it (I don’t know the actual name of it) but why is Cena the only superstar who gets it? Well, I know why, he’s there top star and ultimate do gooder, and I get why you don’t have the heels do it, but why not have… I dunno, a Rey mask with pink designs on it? A pink cobra sockpuppet? A pink Rock shirt? I mean really, let other people show their devotion to the cause then just Cena.

3) Ryback in line for a main event push? Well, he WAS getting bigger responses for the past two or three weeks, but this week marked one of the most lackluster reactions I’ve ever heard for him. This is likely too soon for WWE to even think of jumping this shark. I would give him a nice long Intc. reign before I even eperimented with a main event run for him.

4) As for the show itself… It was pretty good. Best 3 hour RAW since the jump, in my opinion. That said, that really isn’t saying much and hour 3 nearly ruined the show, as it nearly became lifeless. I hope RAW figures out soon that 3 hours is too long for a weekly RAW show. Oh, and just a tip to WWE…

Monday Night Football fans like me, and I’d like to think other people who watch WWE and NFL, would watch the start of the game before RAW to see if the game was going to be good or not. Now that RAW starts at 8, in direct oppostion with MNF, I can’t do that now. It’s one or the other. Now, I choose RAW, I’m a diehard fan and even though I missed the single worst call in NFL history, I have no regrets. Still, how many diehard fans do you think you have right now, WWE? Once the season really picks up, RAW will suffer. The ratings will drop to the lowlest ratings of the year, and though it will still do good for most alot of primetime programs, it will really not look good for the company. I really hope WWE moves back to 2 hours, 3 hours is too long to begin with, and MNF doesn’t help.

Anyway, that’s it for now.

I’ve made this choice for 2 reasons…

1) I did get my mic figured out, but I am horrified that the same issue may happen.

and

2) Until I get a webcam, I’m honestly limited in what I can do with the show… So, until further notice, I will be embarking on another project. Stay tuned fror another overhaul… an overhaul I plan on sticking with until I get that precious webcam. xD